50 Shades of Grey for landlords and letting agents

Haha these are so funny!

Here’s my contribution:

The creaking and moaning crescendoed with the final thrust of their entire being, the sound of ravenous pure ecstasy escaped both of them as they collapsed onto each other on the floor. Greg and Alice had finally managed to get their king size bed up those awfully narrow stairs.

Very true what u said. I started getting a couple of grey strands & a few eye wrinkles when I started dealing with the c__p we get with renting out houses.

Is it any wonder you get a lot of c__p if you rent “out houses” LMAO

Just to be
pendantantic (ironic spelling) it appears there are actually only 40 shades of
grey, these people really should check their facts. Here they are:-

RAL 7000 Squirrel grey

RAL 7001 Silver grey

RAL 7002 Olive grey

RAL 7003 Moss grey

RAL 7004 Signal grey

RAL 7005 Mouse grey

RAL 7006 Beige grey

RAL 7008 Khaki grey

RAL 7009 Green grey

RAL 7010 Tarpaulin grey

RAL 7011 Iron grey

RAL 7012 Basalt grey

RAL 7013 Brown grey

RAL 7015 Slate grey

RAL 7016 Anthracite grey

RAL 7021 Black grey

RAL 7022 Umbra grey

RAL 7023 Concrete grey

RAL 7024 Graphite grey

RAL 7026 Granite grey

RAL 7030 Stone grey

RAL 7031 Blue grey

RAL 7032 Pebble grey

RAL 7033 Cement grey

RAL 7034 Yellow grey

RAL 7035 Light grey

RAL 7036 Platinum grey

RAL 7037 Dusty grey

RAL 7038 Agate grey

RAL 7039 Quartz grey

RAL 7040 Window grey

RAL 7042 Traffic Grey

RAL 7043 Traffic grey B

RAL 7044 Silk grey

RAL 7045 Telegrey 1

RAL 7046 Telegrey 2

RAL 7047 Telegrey 4

RAL 7048 Pearl mouse grey

RAL 9022 Pearl light grey

RAL 9023 Pearl dark grey

I’m off to measure some blades of grass 🙂

With umpteen mortgages my only exit strategy is to jump in the river if all goes pear-shaped;
my hair went fifty shades of grey years ago but dyeing it does a remarkable job
in hiding the anguish caused by bad tenants.

I had to laugh when I read the book ‘Fifty shades of Grey’ since the proposed agreement
between Ana and Christian was as detailed as the wording on my standard tenancy
agreements.

The thing is people are really not very good at keeping to the terms of anything and never
have been – remember The Ten Commandments? Everyone always tries to bend the
rules or thinks the rules don’t apply to their individual circumstances.

Here’s my contribution to your collection of ‘Shades of grey’ pieces. The conversation
between Christian the landlord and Ana his tenant goes something like this:

‘I’ve come for the rent,’ said Christian ’or I’m afraid we’ll have to sever all ties.’

‘Would you like a cup of tea first?’

‘Yes please, Earl Grey would be great if you have any.’

‘No, I only buy English Breakfast’ Ana replied, bye the way I’ve decided I’m not paying you
any rent until you’ve done a few little jobs around the house – for a start the walls of my
front passage are all smelly and mouldy.’

‘I’ll get you some fungicidal spray – that’ll sort it.’ Christian cocked his head to one
side as he gazed at the interior walls of the furnished house he had recently rented out
to Ana. She was clearly going to be hard to satisfy, he thought.

‘Oh, my! Can’t you see how uneven the paint is – it’s fifty shades of grey’ said Anna, biting
her lip. ‘So what are you going to do about all these damp patches?’

‘Damp patches are my speciality,’ said Christian as he gave her a penetrating look with his smouldering grey eyes.

‘The fireplace wall is particularly patchy.’

‘I believe it’s a problem with sweaty breasts Anastasia and I reckon you’ve probably got something stuck up your flue.’

Ana continued moaning ‘Oh and that white metal framed bed you provided creaks a lot – can’t you do something about that?’

‘I sure can but I’m a bit tied up at the moment; you’ll just need a couple of longer screws
I believe.’

‘Are you any good at DIY?’

‘Oh, I’m sorry Mr Grey,’ Ana smiled coyly, ‘no, I’ve never, ever done THAT before.’

‘Really? I don’t believe it! Would you allow me to show you the ropes?’

Hilarious! I’ve given you the thumbs up for this comment. It could go viral HAHAHA

Ha ha I have three thoughts lol ….

The 50 shades I turned when I read what TMW were planning, now reversed thank goodness !

The giggle my new female tenant let out when I said ‘laters’ to their various requests ( shelf and cat flap) and the male sparky had to have the term explained!.

Most memetable thou was the rawkus giggles a female friend and I had simultaneously fallen into when we returned to my car after two mins viewing a property (i dragged her along to prior to a girlie coffee out), with an estate agent chap half our age (he looked less than 16 !!! Crucially he wore an identical tie to ‘that tie’ and thou nothing passed my lips during the viewing I really enjoyed the very firm handshake I gave him before crumbling into a private giggle session with my amused pal. I later had a follow up call from his female boss who also giggled when I said ‘sorry the property was lovely but too small to be mortgageable please bear this in mind when marketing future properties to me… However I really enjoyed your chaps tie, last time I saw that it was on the cover of my bed time reading !’ She agreed it had been noted by the office ladies too ! He was sooo young looking I could not bring myself to make a naughty comment To his face!
Oh dear that book was hilarious and quite exhausting I admit by the third instalment I was skipping the energetic bits I order to follow the under lying plot !?!

Reply to the comment left by “Lisé Willcox” at “09/03/2013 – 20:12“:

There was a plot?
I gave up after a couple of chapters cos the book was so badly written I couldn’t bear it (bare it?) any longer (ooo er missus)

I’ve got hundreds of stories.

I’ve had tenant standing at top of stairs waving Dildo about shouting Come & sort me out & I’ll give you your rent.

Loads like this one:

From family member tenant at 5pm on a Friday. Who thinks I stripped him naked and put him on his missus in bed and said u MUST MAKE BABIES!

I’ve spoken to XXXX and she’s says she’s thinking about having an house from you and staying in one of your properties, we have been in this rabbit hutch for to years and the houses you’ve offered us so far are dirty and not even close to what we want, I said 2 years ago could you get us anything and it’s been yes one week and no the other, we have the environmental health coming out so we will see what they say,

From me
Ok,
When u can talk to me politely at a respectable time and have more respect for the person that has housed u and offered every one that come up.
And tried to help u with your finances which you’ve now blew. How u can spend £12000 in 6 months is beyond me especially when all your outgoings are paid.
Please work with me XXXX, it’s not my fault u in this position.
I will do my best to get u buying, but your negativity is holding u back.
You had brand new house when u moved in there.
U moved in on your own.
The rabbit hutch was big enough for u before u decided to move missus in, then have 2 kids in the rabbit hutch, the gorgeous 1 bed brand new build in Warren Hill.
I didn’t put u on your missus naked & say Right u must have babies to make this house too small for u.

The one u refused is now gorgeous and the family in there love it.
Your negativity is holding u back.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/property-79169417.html