Councils using ‘Intelligence’ to track down low EPC properties and fine £5,00015:08 PM, 29th March 2021
About 2 weeks ago 36
Picked up in a conversation at the Property Tribes forum. It was just too good not to share.
Jonathan Clarke said:-
“Like Prince Charles talks to his plants. I like to talk to my houses. They are my property gurus. They are the experts. I listen to them as they have been in property all their lives, 24/7 since they were born. They have taught me everything I know.
When we first met on our first viewing date I caressed their smooth woodwork and gazed into their boilers. I cheekily patted their carpets and peeked naughtily under their sinks. On leaving they whispered sweet nothings into my ears saying quietly – buy me buy me I will make you very happy -they each have their own personalities. I look after them in sickness and in health to love and to cherish and till death and debt us do part. I will remain faithful to all of them and never sell them. Yes my properties are my very own property gurus. I may be a polygamist but I love them all and they love me. ”
Nick Parkin replied with the suggested wedding vows:-
“I, Landlord, take thee, Tenant, to my wedded life, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in dampness and in health, to love and to cherish, till debt us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
I, Tenant, take thee, Landlord, to my wedded slave, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in dampness and in health, to love, cherish, and to prosecute, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
Then, as the Landlord places the Assured Shorthold Tenancy Agreement in the Tenant’s File, he says the following:
With this Agreement I thee wed, with my property I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”
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