0:01 AM, 25th August 2017, About 5 years ago
A nationwide game of Property Bingo has been triggered by a comedian and former estate agent’s witty new glossary for beleaguered property seekers
Glossary translates infamous go-to estate agent lingo into what it means in real life
Property Bingo card available to download from https://twitter.com/PrivilegeUK @PrivilegeUK
Comedian and former estate agent, Nick Page, has released a new ‘Estate Agent Glossary’ for Privilege Home Insurance.
The glossary contains 15 key phrases, and debunks the difference between what estate agents say, and what they really mean, using Page’s unique perspective.
The new list has triggered a game of Property Bingo, where players are challenged to see how many of the phrases in Page’s glossary they have heard an estate agent say, or how many they have seen written in a property’s write-up.
Property Bingo is available to download via https://twitter.com/PrivilegeUK with players encouraged to share their scores online using the hash tag #propertybingo.
Estate Agent Glossary
Source: Privilege Home Insurance
|Phrase||Estate Agents’ Translation|
|1||An ambitious restoration project||Derelict. Possibly even too derelict to be described as ‘unspoiled’.
|2||Bachelor Pad||Likely to be both compact and bijou, as well as a stone’s throw from public transport and local amenities. It’s pretty much a myth that it’ll be black ash furniture, a massive TV and a hoard of empties, however. Anyone who can afford to buy a place in their 20’s now can definitely afford a cleaner.
|3||Blank canvas||Welcome to magnolia hell.
|4||Compact and bijou||Direct translation: it’s so small the estate agent can’t even be bothered to come up with anything original. At least if they say ‘an innovative maximisation of space’ you feel they’ve had a bit of a go.
|5||Excellent transport links||On a railway line, next to a bus station or right by a dual carriageway.
|6||Flexible accommodation||The current owners have done something weird with the layout, and we need you to look past the swingers-style open plan bathroom arrangement and conservatory bedroom.
|7||In a scenic setting||If you stand on a bed with a pair of binoculars you can see a tree if the weather is just right.
|8||Lovingly decorated||Badly wallpapered, with clashing feature walls and a lime gloss ceiling in 2 bedrooms. Why couldn’t they have just painted it magnolia?
|9||Nestling in its own verdant acreage||It has a lawn.
|10||Open to offers||Way over your budget, but I need someone to make an offer, even a stupid offer, as I massively overvalued this house.
|11||A stone’s throw from public transport and local amenities
|a) On a dual carriageway, so close to a train station that you could open your kitchen as a waiting room.
b) Fully illuminated by the glow from a 24 hour garage.
c) Nowhere near anything, and the agent has taken ‘stone’s throw’ as a wide definition that includes an Olympic shot putter throwing a stone in space.
|12||Pied à Terre||No estate agent really knows what this means, but they’ll sprinkle it across a few property descriptions. It’s a bit like the property equivalent of dill in the kitchen.
|13||(As yet) undiscovered by commuters and developers||A three hour journey to anywhere where you could earn enough to pay for it.|
|14||Unspoiled||This can mean pretty much anything, from ‘idyllic village where you’d expect an episode of Midsomer Murders to be filmed’, to ‘derelict’.
|15||Up and Coming Area||Former slum. See also ‘vibrant’, ‘on the cusp of renewal’ and ‘undiscovered’.
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